today while bathing (after relgating the care of alexa to her auntie), i was thinking about self-definition. i wonder, should people really be defined by something or someone? my memory is somewhat confused with all the books, magazines ive read and the movies ive watched. i cant seem to remember if being defined by something or someone is good or bad.

at my age and this point in my life, it seems to be the most important question. what with karl jung or whoever saying that this stage in life its all about achievement (or i may have to brush up on my psych). this always comes up in my alone time especially while bathing (my only free time).

a high school classmate who works abroad posted on FB that "the world is like an open book and that staying in one place is not good, so and so". i forgot the exact words but it was something like that. are people supposed to be defined by where they have gone to? there seems to be this big quest to get the furthest away from home and/or travel to as many places here and abroad and/or to work further away from this country. does this mean that since i have lived here all my life, work here, established my family and will probaly die here in Palo, that i am the biggest loser (so to speak), that i have gained nothing in all my 28 years and that my life amounts to nothing? i am not sure.

before, i used to have this theory that people who went away and stayed away from their families had something they were running away from. i am not sure about this either but, i have friends and relatives who have gone from their families for this reason. in my case, i love i here in palo, i can forego all the negative aspects of living here (mga chismosa na townmates, no malls, no taxis, meager paychecks, etc) for the good stuff. i have also gone and tried it out some place else but i knew ultimately, this is where i wanna go home to.

maybe, we are measured by what we become eventually, our profession, our title, our role in the community. but then, i know of a college teacher who was never known to be the most flamboyant, fashionable and glamorous teacher, but, she is more liked by a lot of people, particularly her students and peers, whom she encourages to treat her as an equal. Yet, she is that and more still.

lulugar lulugar, sering pa hit mga kabayotan. hain ba kita hine lulugar? where do we seek validation? hahahha . . . maybe its just that, i am seeking validation that what i am doing is okay. where do we go for that? in my head, i know mama will say that the answer is obvious: God.